love actually is all around...?

Relationships. If I wasn't so burnt out from life right now I would try to write some amazing entry on the complexity yet beauty that relationships hold for people, but that will have to wait for another time. For the first time in my life everyone around me is in a relationship. My entire niche from high school has a significant other, my sister, my cousin's, most of my UD friends, and everyone in grad school is in a one or is engaged, or married. Seriously.

It's wierd, not in a bad way, but in a different way. When I went home last weekend it was all my friends, the people they are dating, and then me. Haha. I guess it's wierd because since high school began I was always the person in a relationship, and now things have done a 180. Funny thing is, I like it. I saw all of my friends, genuinely happy, in healthy relationships, and it gave me hope that there are good relationships out there, ones that work, that don't require constant effort, and I like knowing that all my friends have this happiness.

It is also wierd because for the first time in a long time I don't have time to think about relationships, except that hour before I go to sleep when I just want to have a really good phone conversation while smelling my sheets that still have their scent on them, or the nights where I want to curl up next to someone and wake up next to them and just smile because for those minutes all is well in the world.

I guess I'm just not use to this. This independence that I wanted for so long, I have it all, and I don't have anyone to share things with. The connection you have with friends is one thing, but there is something about a significant other that just makes you feel complete in a way. When things are so good or so bad you don't think twice about it, they are the first one you call. I kind of miss having that person to call, or moreso, being that person for someone else.

I know I am really maturing, because, another first for me, I am not settling. Not that I have settled in the past, but I've met guys, I've had people ask me out, and I'm being completely honest and telling them I don't want to waste their time. That sounds bad, but I want something real, and if it means waiting years to find it, I guess that is what I am going to have to do.

Maybe I'm lonely, or maybe I'm just really missing that feeling of comfort. You grow so close to someone, so attached, you know them better than you know yourself, and then it's gone. Picking up the pieces is a tedious process. I'm just waiting for something to happen in my life, not even a relationship, because I'm liking this freedom, but someone to give me butterflies
when I see their name across my phone.

I guess I just really want to know if I well ever feel that again.