confined moments of calm in my head

I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of calm right now. Overwhelming describing calm, kinda makes me laugh. These moments are few and far between these days, so I have to appreciate them as they come. The calm before the storm is coming and I'm trying my hardest to not think about all that is going to happen in the next coming months. This break is the first time in a long while that my day hasn't been written in lists and measured by how many of those things were crossed off in accomplishment.

I was thinking about school today and how still, at the age of 23, we go around the room and introduce ourselves on the first day of a new class. This time I get to say, "I'm in the 2 year program, and I am graduating in May." I guess it's slowly happening, ending this stage in my life and preparing for the next. It's weird, because I remember a year and a half ago, laying in this same bed wanting to move to Cleveland so bad and start something new. I've done a lot of shaping myself over this time. I think the biggest change is my independence. Senior year at UD my favorite professor had us do this exercise about something we wanted to accomplish when we graduated and mine was become independent. It's scary how quickly that become a reality.

Normally I hate change and the uneasy feeling I get not knowing what is going to happen next, but right now this stage of limbo is comforting. For once in my life I don't have a plan, okay I have like 17 plan depending, but it's out of my control. It's liberating. And it allows me to scare myself in a sickening good way. 

I wonder if fate exists. Sometimes I think that life is playing these funny tricks on me but in the end it's so going to be worth it. Like one day you just wake up and get it. At times I want that understanding, that carefully tweaked plan that makes complete sense to me. But then there's those days where you get up with no agenda and end up having some of the best moments of your life. 

I think I'm starting to discover myself.