I haven't written in a while for a few reasons. Mainly because an uncanny number of people have told me they read this and really enjoy the honesty in it, which scares the hell out of me because I don't want to be judged. I want my experiences to help others adjust to theirs, but when that means criticism is involved it takes on an entire new level and meaning. I'm not good with vulernability, big surprise.
The last month of my life has been an overwhelming mix of emotions. Ups and down like most go through, but for some reason, I can't put all of the feelings I've experienced into words. So, hopefully the bottle of margarita I just killed can do something for me.
It's offically summer and I am offically half way done with my Master's. I survived and along the way met some amazing people and did some things I never thought I'd have the balls to do. I stepped out of my comfort zone which is a huge obstacle for me. Surprisingly it has led me to good things. I feel like I'm finally fitting into my life. I like living in Cleveland, I love the people I have surrounded myself with, and overall I have just been happy.
Recently, a new motto was adapted: "Live life." Simple and some may even call it cliche, but if you think about it, it's true. To me, living life means doing things that are in the back of my head but I never do them. Walking up to the cute stranger at the bar and starting a conversation, pushing yourself at the gym even though you want to go across the street to Taco Bell, sending an anonymous package to a friend because you know it will make their week.
Sometimes I don't understand humanity. I mean, we've done all of these amazing things over time, we are obviously creative and inventing and loving, so why don't we spread it more? I just wish more people did the little things, that take minimal effort but mean the world to someone else. Displacing love wherever we can put it and hoping it comes back to us one day.
I've already mentioned alcohol and Taco Bell, my two weaknesses, but here are some more truths about me. I'm one of the most sarcastic people you will ever meet. I turn most phrases into sexual enuendos and am the first to make fun of myself so others can't. I so desperatley want to change the world, to make it a better place, but I don't have the power to do it. I want to make people happy, literally, I would be okay living a mediocre life if it meant everyone I knew was completely and utterly happy. I've made some shitty choices in my past, done some things that make me repulsed by my own self, but they have taught me life lesson. Who I want to be, who I want to surround myself with, and most importantly that live is an inevitable series of events that we make the most of.
I hope that by writing, by devoting my life to social work, that by smiling at the stranger on the street, that somewhere down the line I will affect someone. We spend too much time focusing on the negative and judging the people we don't know, when there is so much good right before us. Take advantage of it, do something out of the ordinary, and I promise, it will pay off with due time.
