Hope for the hopeless

I found this quote the other day and I would like to share it.

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life, love should not be one of them."

I feel like this is the answer to several questions that I have about life. As always, I am finding myself contemplating why exactly I was put on this earth, and what purpose, if any, I have in living my life. You know the really peppy people that talk about how life is a gift and they try and live every day to the fullest? Well, I don't think there are enough things in life to make me happy about living every day, and I know that is selfish to say, but it's honest.

For instance, I woke up this morning at 9:30 a.m. and stayed in my bed until 4 pm. Not because I was sick, or tired, or depressed, but because I had no reason to do anything else but lay in my bed all day long. No job or class to attend, no obligation to be at, no person waiting to see me. There was not one thing that I could think of that could get me to move.

On other days I have work, or class, or the mere fact that my roommate will think I am the laziest piece of shit, to force me to get up. But there isn't something that is extraordinary, or something that I am mad or passionate about, that makes me wake up and think, "It's a brand new day, what can I accomplish."

I had this patient, a teenage girl who found out 10 minutes before walking into my office that she was pregnant. Problems pretty much in every aspect of her life. As she was walking out of my office after our session she asked me how old I was. I told her I knew I looked young and her reply was, "I can't believe you are a few years older than me and you have a good job like this, you are doing something with your life."

When people congratulate people about graduating, I think it's bullshit. For some reason I cannot explain, I don't think I deserve to be recognized for doing something that thousands and thousands of people do every year. I also think that people who don't have the opportunity to go to school because of whatever factor, should think less of themselves because they don't have a piece of paper saying that they spent 4 years socializing and went to class when they felt it appropriate. I knew I was going to graduate just like I know I am going to get my Master's and my PhD. People keep telling me it is really respectable that I have all these long-term goals and that I know what I want to do with my life. I think I just keep going to school because I don't know what I want to do with my life, and the idea of working behind a desk 9-5 is my version of hell.

I want to find something that I am so fucking passionate about I have trouble sleeping every night because I am so excited about the next day. I haven't felt that feeling in such a long time and it just builds up. I'm exhausted from doing nothing. I want to feel alive. I just want something to make sense to me.

And as a sidenote, I am so utterly sick and disgusted of people who bring others down. Someone told me that everyone makes mistakes, that it is part of being human, and there is a day where you come to terms with this and just let it go. The next time you go to criticize a person, remember this, because one day you are going to do something so unbelievably not you and need someone to pick you up.

If anyone could share something that they really and truly love and might be able to inspire me in some way, I would really appreciate it.